As important the touching and physical sensations are for my sex life, dirty talk has made my orgasms feel more complete. And now, I’m a better lover because I know how to communicate exactly what I want. In the months I dated Paul, he pulled from me bits and pieces and implanted thoughts that had never crossed my mind.
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- For him, whose second language was English, it was fun to play with the dirty words of my first language, words that I struggled to say because of my own issues and peculiar sensitivities to specific sounds.
- People often have a hard time when the perception of their words doesn’t align with their intentions.
- It was definitely a process with many baby steps, but I went from being able to say words like “pussy” and “cock” on their own to using them in complete sentence.
- “You think you just fell out of a coconut tree? You exist in the context of all in which you live and what came before you.”
I have felt this way hooking up in the past, which makes some sense because being alone with a stranger is probably inherently awkward, but even with my spouse, whom I love deeply, I can’t seem to feel relaxed. I have no trauma that might be the root of this feeling, and I am generally very comfortable with my spouse. After sex, I just want some space and air, which doesn’t seem like it should be too much to ask, but if I try to extricate myself, my spouse gets upset. I have tried explaining that I need some peace and space in the very same way that they need snuggling and the like, to wind down and recenter myself, but I never seem to get through.
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- My husband and I had a very rare work-free, kids-at-daycare day home together today.
- Does he feel like his dick is betraying his sex drive?
- It is important for you both to be able to speak up.
- My interpretation of this experience is that you were both playing around and he went a little too far.
If your husband hasn’t been examined by a doctor (including getting bloodwork done), you should encourage him to do so. Erectile dysfunction can be caused by serious health conditions like diabetes and heart disease. It’s worth knowing whether there’s something at the root of this issue. It is important for you both to be able to speak up. You could perhaps help bring him back to equilibrium by asking him if he has any boundaries he would like for you to respect. Or even if there’s anything he’d like to add to your sex life.
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For him, whose second language was English, it was fun to play with the dirty words of my first language, words that I struggled to say because of my own issues and peculiar sensitivities to specific sounds. It was definitely a process with many baby steps, but I went from being able to say words like “pussy” and “cock” on their own to using them in complete sentence. This ability made me feel more confident in the bedroom.
That’s something that happens when you play around! It’s completely human to misjudge, and it’s completely human to react to that error. Perhaps you could discuss it with him using a detached approach along these lines—these things happen! It doesn’t make him a bad person or anything close to a rapist. It just makes him someone who said something that triggered you. A boundary that previously wasn’t visible now is.
This afternoon, though, we were going for round two, and we were getting into it and I wanted to slow things down a bit so I was teasing him and not letting him enter me. We were playfully doing this and sort of teasing each other, and I put my knees around his hips to keep him from entering me, and he said, “You think you can stop me from getting in? ” as a joke, but it was like someone dumped a bucket of ice water over me. He would never, ever do anything without my consent, and I know that, but the comment, while said jokingly, took my mind to a very dark place (I have a generalized anxiety disorder). I was inspired to write in by a recent question about aftercare. I am pretty vanilla, but I relate to the previous question asker’s distaste for cuddling, especially after sex.
Before, Harris spoke how “everything is in context,” and about her mother used to give her a hard time, before saying the phrase. But what does the Harris’ “coconut tree” quote mean, and why has it become a meme? “You think you just fell out of a coconut tree? You exist in the context of all in which you live and what came before you.” I’ve been with my boyfriend “Todd” for five years. But we live in an apartment that’s really too small for the two of us and our pet rabbits Binky and Winky.
